Governor DeSantis grants exclusive access to TNF for all future legislative signing stuff

Following yesterday morning’s signing of a new bill by Florida Governor Ron DeSantis that aims to restrict voting rights for millions of people that was covered exclusively by Fox News, DeSantis announced that from now on all such legislative events will be covered by Tampa News Force and no other media outlets.

“Yesterday’s event went pretty good”, said DeSantis. “Fox did a good job, but I feel like TNF can do even better. So from now on, anytime I sign off on a new law, act, measure, decree, regulation, mandate or statute, you’ll see it happen on TNF and nowhere else. Because frankly, screw those other guys.”

He said he has put a great deal of personal research into this matter. “I asked the Fox people if they would always be nice to me, no matter what, forever and ever, and they said, ‘Well, we like to tell everyone that we’re fair and balanced…’ and I guess that’s pretty good. But then I got a call from Tampa News Force and I asked them the same question and they said they’ve always been really good to me and that they would continue to follow that approach. And obviously, that’s fairer and balanced-er.”

Asked about the possibly unethical practice of granting hand-picked media entities exclusive access to the coverage of official state government executive actions, DeSantis said, “I’m really looking forward to this new partnership with Tampa News Force and if voters feel suppressed they can go cry about it to someone who cares… wait, I meant if other media outlets feel suppressed. Whoops! Verbal typo or something! Ha ha!”