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Gulf of Mexico getting kinda sick of y’all dumping mass quantities of toxic-ass shit in it

Clearwater Beach




The Gulf of Mexico, the ocean basin largely surrounded by the North American continent off the west coast of Florida and serving as the westernmost border of the Tampa Bay region, is losing patience with the seemingly-normalized practice of dumping poisonous waste products into it.

“I mean, damn, you know?” said the marginal sea of the Atlantic Ocean. “In April, you assholes dumped over 200 million gallons of contaminated wastewater from one of your abandoned phosphate mines in Manatee County. That dissipated with relatively minor damage – you’re welcome – but then, you dumped another 20 million gallons from Pasco County in July. I don’t know when it became acceptable to do more than chuck some empty beer bottles or some trash bags out here – not that that was ever acceptable – but again, Damn!

“Maybe 20 million doesn’t sound like much, at least compared to over 200 million, but do you have 20 million of anything?” it asked. “I didn’t think so, motherfucker.”

“This in addition to all the trash plus pee and poop and God-knows-what comes out of you people on a regular basis. Oh, you didn’t think I knew about that? Please.”

The leak in April came from the Piney Point reservoir pond just north of Bradenton. This new leak, which occurred some time in July but is just now coming to light, emanated from from the Embassy Hills Waste Water Treatment Plant in Port Richey.

“Who names these places?”, scoffed the 300 million year-old body of salt water. “You got these shits sounding like they high-end vacation resorts with golf courses.”

“And I don’t want to hear a goddamn word out of Sheriff Grady Judd. Talkin’ all this shit about catching every sexual predator in Pasco but can’t be bothered to lift a finger to stop ONE massive toxic wastewater leak raping an ecosystem. Fuck outta here with that.”

The Gulf of Mexico, or Golfo de MĂ©xico as it’s known in Spanish, concluded it’s remarks with a threat. “I’ll tell you what; keep playin’ and see if I don’t ram a full-on hurricane up y’alls asses one of these summers. Fuck around and find out, hear?”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. ClarkBrooks.com. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54