After the passage of one of the strictest anti-immigration laws by Gov. Ron DeSantis, Tampa News Force has been forced to let many of its best employees go.
“No one would do this job for the pay that we were advertising,” said Taylor Swift, current CEO of Tampa News Force. “We promised we would pay our staff once we finally turned a profit, so technically we have never paid our staff.”
The Tampa News Force headquarters in Ybor City have been quiet and mostly empty since the passing of the strict immigration bill that made it illegal to employ or transport undocumented immigrants.
“It has been very stressful trying to cover the news in this city without a team to write, edit, photograph and video all the important things happening in this great city,” said Swift, who was gearing up for another leg of her massive Eras tour. “Trying to manage this newspaper has been the most difficult job in my life.”
As of this writing, Tampa News Force has not had its trash receptacles emptied in months and the bathrooms are dirty, with clogged toilets that overflow and flood the main office.
Swift is adamant that no one can be paid to do this job and Tampa News Force is on the brink of collapse.
“Our landlord is threatening to raise our rent and kick us out due to neglect, and I don’t know how much longer we can keep the lights on in this place,” said Swift before taking off for her next gig.
Tampa News Force staffers, including co-founder Josh Santos and editor Clark Brooks, hope that they can trick an illegal immigrant to coming in and cleaning the place up.
“I can’t work under these conditions,” said Santos. “It’s difficult enough trying to pay bills and survive in Tampa.”
At that moment, Florida’s Immigration Police entered the Tampa News Force headquarters and questioned Santos.
“I was born in Wisconsin!” Yelled Santos while he was being placed in handcuffs.
The immigration police dragged him away and said that they will begin the process of deporting him to an unnamed Spanish speaking country in Central or South America.
“We randomly pick a country that speaks Spanish and send them there whether they have a connection to the place or not,” said immigration police official, Lieutenant Fingle Dangle. “We don’t think this is race related, this law is strictly about making sure illegal immigrants are scared away from working in Florida.”