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Jane Castor Announces New Law Enforcement Initiative

Tampa Riverwalk – Hillsborough County – Tuesday 4.16.2019

Tampa mayoral front runner and former police chief, Jane Castor, unveiled her plan to further reign in Tampa’s crime issues during a press conference today.

“Under my watch, this great city saw a 70% decrease in violent crime,” said Castor in a pre-taped segment “We must work towards a city where crime is a thing of the past.”

Castor has been consistently praised for her reforms during her tutelage as the head of Florida’s third largest police force. However her campaign has also been mired in criticism for past “admitted” mistakes, such as the “biking while black” scandal and the over enforcement of the 2012 Republican National Convention. That is why her statements today have surprised many political commentators.

“Fellow Tampanians, it is my pleasure to introduce to you the future of law enforcement, the ED 209,” a large bipedal robotic machine with dual cannons joined Castor next to the podium. “The Enforcement Droid series 209 is a self-sufficient law enforcement robot. 209 is currently programmed for urban pacification but that is only the beginning.”

The ED 209 is a controversial choice, having only seen use in Detroit for a brief period. While effective the droid has been criticized for its targeting errors and mobility issues. Castor supporters have applauded the choice as a sign that the usually pragmatic candidate can think big.

“I’ve proven that I alone know how to put a damper on crime. To anyone in this city who still thinks they can commit violence and endanger our residents, I’ve got three words for you, your move creep.”

Castor’s move is a stark contrast to her opponents views on law enforcement. Local banker and philanthropist, David Straz, the other mayoral candidate in the run-off has rolled out a controversial upheaval of the judge system, taking them out of the court room and on to the streets.

When asked for comment, the press adverse billionaire candidate replied in an all caps statement saying, “I AM THE LAW.”

Early voting for mayor began April 14th, and runs through April 20 and the City of Tampa Municipal Runoff Election is on April 23. To find your local polling place visit

Matty P. Bill$

About Matty P. Bill$

A captive meteorologist at the Tampa News Force Headquarters, if you see him outside let us know!