List of celebrities who got Diddy’d released

Mediocre musician and above-average runner-in-a-towel, Puff Father, has recently lost his darling status amongst the entertainment industry after a video surfaced of him beating his friend-with-not-so-great-benefits in a hotel hallway. 

Reports that he has been a terrible person for decades have prompted the release of a list of all the celebrities he has abused both physically, mentally, and sexually over the years. Here it is:

Mitt Romney – Diddler grabbed Mitt Romneys penis and ass during a campaign event in 2015. Romney claims that Diddy tried to “finger my ass then stick that finger into my mouth immediately after.” Talk about leaving a bad taste in someone’s mouth. Yikes.

MLB Umpire Umberto Riviera – Famous for Umpiring the World Series in 1967, Riviera found himself at one of Diddy’s “white parties” in 2003. Riviera claims Diddy, “came up to me and said ‘I don’t see any white’ then proceeded to masturbate onto my face. I hated it, but I was scared he would kick me out of the party so I just let it happen. Once he finished he said ‘ball 3’ and the rest of the party laughed at me. It was very upsetting.”

The Jabbawockeez – The famous dance crew from a dancing television competition claims that Diddy sexually assaulted all of them at once. “He made us take our masks off which was the worst part.” Said one of the crew members. “He made us lay down on the floor, next to each other, completely naked, while he river danced on our genitals because it made him laugh. It was very traumatic.”

Harpo Marx – One of the famous Marx brothers, Harpo, happened to be at a party Pufferton was throwing when he was 99 years old. “Did-D got naked an sat on me in my wheelchair and said, ‘I’ve got another Marx for you right here’ then slapped the tip of my nose with his guy-meat. I left the party immediately.”

And that’s all. It turned out P.D. actually “only” assaulted these 4 other people, besides the one he did in the hallway on that video. So in perspective, is he really that bad? I mean come on. 5 people total? I mean come on. Is he really that bad? Really? Think about it. Come on. Is he that bad? Really? Honestly? Come on. 5 people? Big deal. Wow. Who honestly cares that much. Let it go. Seriously. Free Dee-Dee. He’s not THAT bad. There’s so many worse people. Hitler was worse. So Diddy’s barely that bad.