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Local residents express displeasure with airport flamingo name


After receiving 65,000 ideas submitted to Tampa International Airport’s contest to name the giant flamingo that is the centerpiece of the 21-foot tall sculpture titled “Home” by artist Matthew Mazzotta, a winner has been chosen; it’s “Phoebe” and people hate it.

“We understood when we launched the contest that some people would inevitably be disappointed. We’re just glad to see that so many people are so passionate about our airport,” said airport spokesperson Amelia Nerpz. “But Jesus ****ing Christ, people!”

Some unnecessarily stupid and bitter comments actually posted to the airport’s Facebook page include the following:
(EDITOR’S NOTE: We’re not attributing the quotes because we don’t want to get sued, plus we want to deny these people the attention they obviously so desperately crave. Mostly we don’t want to get sued. But the quotes ARE real. Go to Facebook and check it out. There’s more. Lots more. It’s pretty amazing. Also, in case it isn’t obvious, which it should be, we also made up “Amelia Nerpz”. Of COURSE that’s a joke. What a silly name! Ha ha ha! There’s no such person and nobody said that. This is satirical commentary on real-life current events. PS: Don’t sue us.)

“Lame. Thousands of names submitted and this is the one they chose. There were much better and more creative names out there I thought.”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“So basic”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“(N)ot only were the three names a fail, the person who ended up winning wasn’t even one of the three finalists LMAO.. sus af”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter


Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“Of all the names that people entered, these were the top three finalists?? You’ve got to be kidding?? Cora, Finn & Phoebe?? Who picked these?? These are terrible!! Cora too much of a stretch for the meaning, Phoebe will always be related to “Friends” the TV show, and Finn is great for a fish or dolphin!! Please reconsider or add some additional choices for the public to vote!! The name needs to be simple & represent Tampa Bay Florida the sunshine state!! Something like Sunshine (Sunny for short) Even Pinky or Tia were better choices!!”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“The winner was probably someone’s relative.”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“I didn’t like any of the names chosen. They are boring and not memorable. I would much rather you had chosen a name like Runway or Flipflop. At least that would be something you could associate with the airport or Florida.”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“I have never been so embarrassed by tampa international than these final 3 selections. Horrific”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“Strike one, strike two, strike three, you’re all out! Not at all jealous my name, after a Tampa original didn’t make it, but come on! You had the chance to honor Tampa and Florida for all the visitors to learn about this area. Just random, generic names. No votes for you!”

Real quote from an unnamed Facebook commenter

“The whole idea for the sculpture in the first place is that it’s supposed to convey a sense of whimsey and fun. The fact that they didn’t pick the name I sent in fills me with a blind, seething rage and I want to express that by committing an act of physical violence, upon myself if necessary! ARRRGGHHH!!!”

Tampa resident Irene Groobs, whose quote we are attributing because both her and her quote are made up by us. Fake people can’t sue us. And even though it’s fake, it pretty much sums up the mood of some of these wackos.

In other related news, anybody who believes that there is nothing that real, live grown-up, adult-ass people can’t get pissed off about are correct yet again.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54