Local tree’s life suddenly a nightmare, due to image of Jesus

A tree in a quiet residential neighborhood off Pinehurst Road in Dunedin is suddenly the subject of unwanted attention because of what looks like the image of Jesus Christ appearing in its branches.

The tree, a Florida Sugar Maple, is perplexed.

“It’s not like I’m a new tree; I’m not a sapling. I’ve looked like this for years. What changed? Somebody finally looked up?”, it said in tree language.

People from all over have been making pilgrimages from far away to come and see what’s being perceived by some as a sign from God.

“It’s a miracle! Our Lord and Savior has returned!”, said Dolly Pratchett of Odessa. “Don’t let me catch any birds building nests on our Lord and Savior’s holy visage!”

“Hey, birds are God’s creatures!”, yelled back Billy Millard of Sarasota. “If they build nests here, it’s because God wants them to and that makes them holy birds.”

This disagreement eventually caused a huge melee with people breaking off some of the tree’s lower branches to hit each other with, an act that enraged even more people who also got involved in the skirmish.

“It’s ridiculous. People coming by at all hours, taking pictures, trying to climb me, fights like this breaking out all the time. I never asked to be a celebrity”, the tree said. “If God really is behind this, I’d like to respectfully ask Him to let me fall over and crush some of these assholes to death.”