Mass shooting interrupted by mass shooting
A mass shooting that took place at Wet Willy’s Waterpark on Flankton Avenue in East Tampa was temporarily interrupted, when a second mass shooter, not connected to the first mass shooter, showed up to commit a mass shooting.
Arnold Jeffries, who entered at the south entrance and began opening fire towards the lazy river noticed after a few moments, that across the park at the north entrance was another man, opening fire on the twisty waterslides.
“I couldn’t believe it.” Said Jeffries, who gave himself to police custody after noticing the second shooter.
“I was just so bummed, it’s like, this is my special day, I’m here to kill a large group of innocent people, I can’t even have that? It’s like nothing is original anymore, we all have the same ideas. I didn’t even want to do it anymore, I just put down my gun and laid down until the cops showed up. I was depressed.” Jeffries uttered through the rusty bars of a maximum security prison.
The second shooter was identified as Kalvin Aniston, a 14-year-old Tik Tok blogger and VR travel agent.
In an Instagram-live post he recorded moments before entering the park, he claimed his motivation for the shooting was, “to get clout.”
“I just want people to know my name and give me attention!” Shouted Aniston to his cellphone camera as he sloppily twirled in the parking lot of the waterpark, staring down the lens.
“I’ve recognized I don’t have any tangible talent or valuable life skills, but I still want people to know who I am so I’m just going to blast this place up!” Laughed Aniston, before ending the Live and entering the park.
Aniston was not as lucky as Jeffries in keeping his life.
After firing his weapon towards park goers for 45 minutes, because police decided not to enter the waterpark due to reasons still unconfirmed, Aniston slipped on a dollop of sunscreen, dropping his gun and accidentally blowing off the side of his own head, instantly killing him.
“At least I get to enjoy the fact that he died like a loser.” Said Jeffries, unable to convey more expression because his arms were restrained in a straight-jacket.
Both young men killed a combined total of 6 people and injured 4,300.
Once it was confirmed that Aniston was dead and Jeffries had given up, the police entered the waterpark only a mere 7 hours from the initial emergency call.
Jerry Lee Nunza was in the parking lot of Wet Willy’s when the shooting began.
“I had been thinking that day, ‘maybe I should shoot this place up,’ and thank God I had decided not to, or I would have had to deal with 2 other people stealing my thunder!” Nunza exclaimed exasperated and frustrated.
“It’s like, why can’t people come up with more creative ways to get clout?” Nunza wondered out loud as he wiped a large dab of mustard off the side of his cheek.
“I mean, I’m not going to come up with one, because I don’t want to, but it’s like, why do people have to do the same thing I wanna do!” Nunza threw a tantrum, complaining that his hypothetical mass shooting plans were foiled.
“At least I was able to sneak in without paying while the shooting was going on. I just stuck to a part of the park they weren’t shooting and stayed alert to where they were heading. I still had a great time that day! I even stole some frozen treats from the snack bar because everyone had run for cover and hid!” Nunza laughed.
Jeffries is expected to get life in prison, and Aniston’s body was eaten by seagulls before anyone showed up to deal with it.
In memoriam of the people lost during the waterpark shooting, Wet Willy’s will be holding a memorial “bring your gun to the park” night, in honor of the victims.