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Mental Health Professional Weighs in on ‘Man or Bear’ Question

There is currently a lot of discussion about a hypothetical scenario/thought experiment in which women are asked “Would you rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear?”, with a seemingly surprising number of respondents (at least to men) choosing the bear.

In order to get to the bottom of this viral phenomenon, we consulted a world-renowned mental health physician, Dr. Kaf Enema, which he insists is his real name and not a silly, and frankly, uninspired anagram.

Dr. Enema: You may address me as Dr. Enema, which is a procedure in which a hose is inserted…
TNF: Yeah, okay. Got it. So the obvious question is are women just being sarcastic when choosing the bear in this scenario? Because many insist they’re being sincere.
Dr. Enema: (looks around, appearing not to be paying attention)
TNF: Dr. Enema?
Dr. Enema: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear my name so I was unaware to whom your tedious query was addressed.
TNF: All right, Dr. Enema. We were wondering…
Dr. Enema: Silence. I heard you the first time. 
TNF: Okay, so?
Dr. Enema: First principles. Simplicity. Read Marcus Aurelius. Of each particular thing ask: what is it in itself? What is its nature? What does it do, this… bear you seek?
TNF: Mauls and eats people?
Dr. Enema: No. That is incidental. What is the first and principal thing it does? What needs does it serve by mauling and eating?
TNF: Anger, um, social acceptance, and, huh, sexual frustrations…
Dr. Enema: No! It covets. That is its nature. And how do we begin to covet? Do we seek out things to covet?
TNF: Umm, yeah?
Dr. Enema: No. We begin by coveting what we see every day. Bears covet honey. Women like being called honey. First principles. Simplicity. Read Winnie The Pooh.
TNF: That… doesn’t seem like a real answer.
Dr. Enema: Oh, I’m sorry. I have a degree from Salisbury University in Maryland; where did you go to college?
Dr. Enema: You fly back to Tampa, now, News Force. Fly, fly, fly…

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54

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