Old man declares pandemic over

“Steve”, who lives in the Wellswood area of Tampa “and that’s all you goddamn need to know” has declared that the Coronavirus pandemic is “over”.

“I was in my car for about 20 minutes trying to get to Winn Dixie, because that’s how long it goddamn takes because nobody around here knows how to drive, and I didn’t hear one mention of it on my radio program. Then I went to the deli counter because Wednesdays is 5% off for seniors and they make that Jello with the marshmallows in it that I like, and nobody was wearing those goddamn face masks or even talking about it. The cashier might have said something about it but she didn’t speak any goddamn English so who knows or cares what she said? Then I drove home, same thing, nothing on the radio but ads, ads, ads. So it’s over.”

When I asked him if it was possible that it was merely a coincidence that he didn’t happen to hear anything about during the hour he left his home, he replied, “Well, that hasn’t happened since the Democrats invented it to discredit Donald Trump, so I goddamn doubt it.”

“Steve” made this public declaration at the McDonald’s on Florida Avenue, near the old dog track, “where they keep trying to charge me .75 for a soda pop when I know a cup of ice water is free, thank you very much. I’m smarter than all these goddamn high school dropouts.”