Old man doesn’t remember loving anything as much as kids love eating McDonalds

Seth Shpershman of Tampa came to a startling self-realization the other day while enjoying his senior citizen-priced coffee at McDonald’s.

“I was enjoying my regular routine of not bothering anyone while glaring at them disapprovingly when I noticed a mom with two children eating lunch,” he said. “Not that many people actually eat at McDonald’s so I decided to focus on them.”

“They were wolfing it down, making a mess and giggling like crazy, like they were just having the time of their lives and my first thought was, ‘what a couple of little idiots; they don ‘t even know what good food is. The future is doomed.’,” he said. “Then my second thought was, ‘why have I never been as happy about anything as these two little morons were about eating terrible food?'”

“That’s when it occurred to me that I had wasted my loveless life. My marriage of 42 years, my two successful adult children, my career. I had taken no joy in any of it. What had been the point of my existence? And suddenly a wave of tremendous, crushing sadness washed over me,” he lamented.

“Then I saw some idiot with one of those stupid topknot hairdos and a dumbass beard spill an entire milkshake on himself. The kids pointed and laughed at him and I instantly felt better.”