Skip to content

Tampa takes in 50,000 Gaza immigrants

Tampa has become a safe haven for Palestinian immigrants effected by the Gaza crisis after accepting 50,000 war-torn immigrants to the city.

Most of the families were sent to Plant City and have been living within Dinosaur World, located off the I-4 highway.

“We’re very happy to have these Gaza immigrants.” Said Wesley Milkmen, Mayor of Plant City.

“We’ve needed some low wage workers to spray down the dinosaurs and clean them for years now, and we think these could be the perfect people for the job.” Milkmen hailed.

“Our dinosaurs have never looked cleaner.” Said Melvin Dyeneosaur, creative director at Dinosaur World.

“The Palestinians are familiar with dinosaurs, so they know exactly where to clean, it’s really a win-win for everyone involved.” Dyeneosaur complimented.

The Palestinian children have integrated into the Florida school system and are leading all the schools in grades, becoming top of their class.

“American school is easy.” Said Rajneesh Mekpuletin, a 12-year-old Palestinian child.

“I am now teaching 6 of my classes at school, and our former teacher is in awe.” Mekpuletin smiled.

Everyone in Tampa is super happy about this and it’s made the city a much better place. We’re all happy now. Everyone is great! Hooray for greatness! Yay! The world is fixed! Yes!

I came back to this story a week after I wrote it, before publishing it, because it felt too empty and hollow and I tried to think if there was anything to say about any of this, and I don’t think there is. I got in trouble at a comedy club doing Israel, Palestine jokes, and I still don’t even know what to really say about that. A lot of people were like “we loved those jokes!” But then I got in trouble because the headliners agent texted the GM of the club and he called me the next day to tell me about it. How funny! Oopsie daisies! Whoops! Uh oh! Excuseee me! Lol! gosh, so much dag gone fun telling jokes and being a funny guy. It just never gets old! Just like the kids in Gaza. Awwww, they never get old (insert sad face.) And who’s fault is that? Seriously, I’m asking, who’s fault? Is it our fault? Is it my fault? Did my jokes kill them? Some would say yes. Others would also say yes. And see, now I feel like I’ve finished strong and made the article funny enough, up to my standards, to post in the place that maybe 7 people will read. Ah, I love shouting in an empty parking garage. Just to hear the echoes. Bouncing too and fro. is that how you write that? Too and fro? I don’t know. I’m not Googling it. Also how funny is it that “Googling” is a real word you can just use in sentences? I hate that they keep updating dictionaries. No more words if it were up to me. I’m still learning the ones that were invented thousands of years ago, and you keep throwing in more? Sheesh. No thanks. I need to take a nap. Nap time! Ding, ding! The nap bell rings! Yay! Slumber!

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds