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Opinion: I Killed Baby Yoda

Woman holding lifeless head of baby yoda

It had to be done so I did it. I could see the future and it wasn’t bright. Thousands of corporate drones lined up outside Target to be first in line to buy the new Baby Yoda Plushie. A must-have for the season. I could already hear the cries of children begging their parents for a Baby  Yoda of their own for Christmas.

 I nipped it in the bud.  No remorse do I feel. I took my sword and I sliced off his tiny head. His large eyes, sure to hypnotize millions of hearts and wallets, blinked up at me with betrayed trust as his large green head fell off his round shoulders. He did not bleed. He is a puppet. And now he is a dead puppet. 

It was all your fault. In reality you were the ones who killed him. I was just the martyr who swung the sword. You know it is for the best. America will be a better and brighter place for the lack of his shining black eyes. Once you accept this fact, you will be better off. And so will we all. Well, we already are better off because Baby Yoda is dead. But even more better off, if you follow me.