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Political bickering between DeSantis and Kriseman hampering red tide relief efforts

Something stinks

A battle along political lines between Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and St. Petersburg Mayor Rick Kriseman is creating an unnecessary delay in emergency funding from the state getting to the city to help deal with tons of dead sea life washing up on Pinellas beaches due to a red tide outbreak.

Tampa News Force has obtained a transcript from the negotiations regarding this increasingly deteriorating and time-sensitive situation between the Republican governor and Democrat mayor.

DeSANTIS: Looks like we have a fishy situation here, Rick.
KRISEMAN: (chuckles slightly) Yes sir. Look…
DeSANTIS: A fine kettle of fish, one might say, eh?
DeSANTIS: You know, they say a fish rots from the head down. Have you ever heard that saying, Rick?
KRISEMAN: We are asking the governor, please, Pinellas County, St. Petersburg, we need your help.
DeSANTIS: You have to ask me nicely. You see, Ricky, I can deal with the bullets and the bombs and the blood. I don’t want money and I don’t want medals. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and with your Harvard mouth extend me some fucking courtesy! You gotta ask me nicely.
KRISEMAN: Huh? I beg your pardon… Bullets? Blood? I’m not wearing a uniform. What are you talking about??
DeSANTIS: It’s simple, really: you need to use the Magic Word. That’s all.
KRISEMAN: Magic word? You mean ‘please’? I said please!
DeSANTIS: No, it’s not ‘please’! Anybody can say please! This is a magic word! A magic word that YOU don’t know because I made it and-
KRISEMAN: For the love of… is it ‘Pretty Please’?
KRISEMAN: It’s Pretty Please, isn’t it? Pretty Please!!
DeSANTIS: It’s not just-
KRISEMAN: With sugar on top! God damn it!
DeSANTIS: Fuck. I’ll call you back.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54