Right Wing Conservative Media Funds Caucasian answer to Black Panther

Seffner Cacausia Set – Hillsborough County – Thursday, 2.28.2019

Streaming movie services are big business these days, now a new media outlet is trying to jump into the race. Reports have come in that Breitbart News is trying to join the digital wars and plan to film their first movie right here in the Tampa bay area. According to their spokesman, the all original movie concept “White Bobcat” is scheduled to be shot in Seffner. We reached out to Devin Imano Ttaracist, the head of this new enterprise, for further comments. 

“First of all, we would like to set the record straight and say that WE NOT AFRAID OF and this is NOT A RIP OFF of Black Panther. Oh sure, they might share some similarities, but frankly we don’t see it. Yes, the main character is the leader of a hidden nation; but it’s called Cacausia not Wakanda. And it’s based in the South for starters! And yes, we are aware that the plot has him trying to stop invaders from stealing his precious unobtanium only to face infighting from his cousin trying to take over, and that may seem similar to other certain aspects but come on guys it’s totally different!” 

When asked what lead them to film in Seffner he responded “We really wanted to have that discount Alabama kind of feel to it, you know? It really speaks to our core demographic. We even found an entire camp that was willing to sponsor us for a week of shooting! Plus the concept really tested well with white males for some reason, the older the better, so we really tried to aim towards that mark when location scouting. I mean, everyone else we showed it to said it was ‘utter garbage’ but you can’t let a few people tell you what is or is not ‘burnable trash’ ,am I right?”

When prompted about if they had any other projects in the works, we were told that they already have another film, “Haft” ready for production. ” See, it’s about a white private investigator named ‘John Haft’, who is a bad mother (please, watch your language)! That’s got to be good, right? Right?!? Oh God we’re so screwed. Wait, did you write that last part down? Get the F&*k out of my office!”

Clint Eastwood has been tapped as director and Ted Nudget has been signed to score both films in addition to being the executive producer.