Dozens of prolific social media accounts have already posted pictures of their sexy Coronavirus Halloween costumes sparking a new trend amongst teens and college students. Jennifer Buckets, a social media personality with over 3 million followers on Tik Tok was the first known internet celebrity to show off her costume on her Instagram page last week.
“Check out my costume this year! Lol” read the caption on the picture of Buckets wearing the costume which looks vaguely like some sort of human cells that are tainted with the virus, while Buckets held a Corona Extra beer in each hand.
“That’s genius!” Commented Eddy Griff, another high-profile social media icon. Two days later, Griff posted his sexy Coronavirus costume on his Twitter page to his 6 million-some followers, to a flood of supportive comments like, “OMG Jennifer Buckets AND Eddy Griff are wearing Coronavirus costumes! I NEED TO GET ONE!” Said Twitter follower “@JaxStinkkyPus99”
The new interest in Coronavirus Halloween costumes has gotten children working on their costuming skills, cutting fabric and tailoring local craft supplies into what looks like a life-size version of the deadly virus.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, because the virus is a very morbid thing going on right now, but I am happy my child is learning how to tailor clothes instead of playing on her Game Gear or whatever device my husband most recently bought her.” Laughed local mother Hennifer
“Sure I remember in my day we did the same thing, and people went to Halloween parties as draft dodgers and enflamed monks, but now that I’m older and I don’t get to have as much fun as I did when I was young, I’m now bitter towards the youth, and I get angry when I see them enjoying life because I’m not.” Shieldon said.
“At least I’m going to be written about in the news!” Shieldon said.
“Uhm actually mam,” I began saying, “We’re not actually real news, we’re fake news, and we do fake stories, this won’t be in the newspaper.”
Shieldon’s eyes watered-up.
“So not only do I not get to participate in the sexy Coronavirus costume challenge like my kids, but I’m not even going to be mentioned in a credible newspaper? Just some filthy internet rag that you’re peddling?” Shieldon defeatedly said.
“Yes, that’s correct miss.” I said.
“Are you single?” She asked.
“I am.” I said.
“But I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to have sexual relations with you for a few reasons, number one:” I continued.
“You’re married with children, I’d be participating in an adult affair, and the Bible says adultery is bad, so I don’t think that’s a good idea. Number two: I’m not in a great place myself mentally right now, I recently went through a sad breakup which still has me pretty torn up inside, and I don’t know if I want to replace what was the most sincere love of my life with a hollow one night stand. And number three:… Well I guess it’s jus those two reasons, but still those are good enough to say no to this proposition. Thanks anyway.” I said.
“Are you still in love with your ex?” She asked.
“I… I don’t know.” I responded.
“Maybe… It’s complicated, there was so much over our relationship it’s hard not to dwell on it and focus on the good times, instead of the rational reasons I believed I had at the moment to end it. At the time it seemed like the only possible answer to our relationship issues, but in retrospect after having my heart broken you think, ‘what I wouldn’t do just to have one more day with that person,’ and is that just natural to feel sad and miss your ex after breaking up? Yea probably. But also, I had never been so good and faithful to anyone before like ii had been with her. She made me feel like I was given another chance at life and things could be great again. I felt alive.” I said.
“Well.” Shieldon punctuated. “Nevermind then. You sound like a mess.”
“I feel like a mess!” I said.
“Are you sure you don’t want to have one innocent roll around in my bed?” Shieldon tried one more time to coerce me.
I thought about it for a moment.
“Yea… I don’t think I can, I’m sorry.” I said.
“Don’t be sorry.” She said.
“It’s cute to see someone so genuinely heart broken turning down sex from me. That hasn’t happened ever in my life. Every man I’ve ever asked to have sex with me has done it.” Shieldon said.
“Really?” I ask.
“Yep!” She says. “Not one time has a man ever turned me down… Oh well.” She said with a shrug.
“Now get the f**k out of my house before I call the police you fake journalists.” Then she spat at my and pointed towards her front door.
“What do you think I should do about my current situation?” I asked Shieldon as she pushed me out of her home.
“I think…” She paused. “I don’t think I can tell you what to do. I don’t know enough about the situation to give you an informed opinion…”
I look down to the ground sad as a single tear dropped to the pavement before I’m able to recompose myself.
“Well thanks anyway.” I said.
Then I took a Lyft back to the office. The Lyft driver was wearing a sexy Coronavirus costume.
“This is the same costume Jennifer Buckets wore on her Instagram!” The Lyft driver said to me.
“Wow that’s cool.” I said.
He goes, “No! This is actually literally the same costume, I paid $20,000 in a charity auction to buy the actual one that was worn by her body!”
“You’re a Lyft driver and you spent $20,000 on a novelty Halloween costume?” I asked.
“Hey don’t judge me!” He shouted back as he turned completely around in the drivers seat.
“Get the f**k out of my Jeep Grand Cherokee!” He yelled.
I walked back to the office only to find out that I had been fired.
Thanks for reading my last article guys. The company has let me go due to lack of stability and a declining quality of writing. I didn’t argue you with them. They gave me a very opposite-of-handsome severance package, and I will use that money to buy a one-way ticket to Thailand and hopefully figure things out from there. Thanks guys, it’s been a fun ride!