Small Florida town woefully unprepared for mediocre comedy show

Micanopy, Florida, a town with a population of approximately 600 people, 117 miles from Tampa, faces imminent threat from a pair of Tampa-based stand-up comedians, Michael ‘Mike’ Matthews and Matt ‘Mike’ Michaels with a combined nearly nine months of experience.

“Our first indication that we were in serious trouble was when we saw a post on Facebook that said ‘Micanopy, you not ready for us!!!l’ we thought, ‘are we?’ Then we did some investigation and saw the impressive list of shows at established performance venues in the performers’ credits”, said city disaster liaison and local elementary school librarian Laura Wingalls-Idler. “Then we found out that those were almost entirely open mics not held on the venue’s main stages but those still count, right? We don’t really understand how big-time show business works.”

“Plus, the many, many comedy contests they’ve won,” she added “Well, not won per se, but competed in. Or signed up for, rather. Either way, clearly it’s a pair of heavyweights headed our way, for an event that should be held at a soccer stadium in a big city, not at the Biscuit Barn here in Micanopy.”

“Because professional comedians would never try to mislead anyone with fake or inflated credits on their resume for the sake of making a potential audience think the show is going to be so incredibly funny that they’re actually in danger.”

“We’ve been monitoring social media as well as printed flyers; all indications furnished by the comedians themselves say that the show will be ‘fire’ and ‘off the chain’, that they’re going to ‘destroy the stage’,” said mayor Nellie O’Elson. “Goodness! We thought they were just going to come in, tell some jokes and then leave, not cause widespread devastation and wipe our homes off the map.”

“We’re a small town. We simply don’t have the infrastructure and resources to deal with this kind of thing and it’s too late now to ask the Governor for assistance,” she added.

“God have mercy on our souls.”