St. Pete Man Barely Survives Pride Weekend

Barry Shlivers of St. Petersburg considers himself lucky to have gotten through this past weekend’s annual Pride festivities alive. 

“It was terrible,” he said. “I kept showing up at these various events all over town that I didn’t have to attend and pleaded with people enjoying themselves and not hurting anyone over my bullhorn to stop shoving their gay agenda down my throat. But the more I pleaded, the more they kept shoving their gay agendas down my throat. Like they thought I wanted their gay agenda shoved down my throat, in spite of my protests. Over and over and over again. A gay agenda here, a gay agenda there. Every time finishing deep in the back of my throat. It was relentless. I’ve never seen so many gay agendas, let alone had so many shoved down my throat. I spent the whole weekend with one thick, throbbing, veiny, gay agenda after another being shoved down my throat. I’m exhausted.”

“It’s not funny. Why are you laughing at me?” he added. “What, do you want to shove your gay agenda down my throat too? All right, come over here but then that is it!”