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St. Pete to open raccoon and opossum bar

Racoon and Possum Bar opens in St Pete

Following in the tracks (ha ha!) of several highly successful dog bars, such as Dog Bar, St. Petersburg is now getting its first feral scavenger bar.

“Welcome to Critterz!” Says owner Wesley Truckard enthusiastically. “The bar for varmints and the people who love them.” Located on Central Avenue near Tropicana Field in the busy and trendy Edge District, Critterz hopes to capitalize on the up-until-now untapped niche market of animals who forage through people’s trash late at night.

“Critterz is a unique combination of an ordinary, dimly-lit suburban yard and a full service bar. Our concept is all about the animals and we require our raccoon, bat and opossum patrons to have beady eyes and sharp teeth. This helps us ensure that all of our varmints are healthy and playful, which is the term we prefer to the overused ‘aggressive’. Our yard boasts over 2,000 square feet of fenced-in fun with lots of places to hide and garbage receptacles filled with grapes, apple slices and chicken bones. It’s designed with Astroturf for a cleaner and more comfortable play surface. This will have a supervisor, who will probably spend most of their time screaming every time one of the wild ones pops out of a garbage can and hisses, during peak times to ensure that all our customers have a fun, if not safe, experience,” says Truckard.

Truckard thinks the appeal of such an establishment is self-evident. “Think about it,” he says. “Who wouldn’t want to chill out with friends, drink some beers and watch a game in the presence of animals who may or may not carry rabies scurrying around searching for any food they can find, and willing to fight any creature to get it?”

I asked him what if the place becomes overrun with creatures of the night, relentlessly seeking sustenance and he said, “Central Avenue is a very busy street. We expect that situation to kind of take care of itself, if you know what I mean.” He winked at me and said “Beep! Beep!”

In related news, the operator of the Roadkill Garage food truck has announced that he will be making more frequent appearances in the St. Petersburg area.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54