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Sweet Sixteen Ruined by IPA Release

Craft Beer

As 16-year-old Molly Johnson eagerly anticipated her Sweet Sixteen party, she never could have predicted that it would fall on the day that a nearby Tampa Heights brewery would release the highly anticipated Hopfucker Quintuple IPA.

“I can’t believe this fucking shit is happening,” Molly said, tears streaming down her face. “My fucking Sweet Sixteen party has been ruined by an IPA beer!”

The Hopfucker was a special collaboration between eight different brewery masters that came together and circle jerked onto some hops before brewing them.

Tickets to the event sold out in minutes, scalpers were asking $500 per ticket to enter the event. Molly’s party was across the street at the same time, and the Beer Jizz Brewing only had five parking spots in an alley behind the 800-square-foot building. 

Police say they are investigating why Beer Jizz Brewing sold 1000 tickets to the event when the building capacity was only 30. 

“Our brewery doesn’t apologize for making kick-ass beer,” said Chad Leon, the founder of Beer Jizz Brewing, “People think our name is offensive, but when we say Beer Jizz Brewing, we mean it in a cool way like ‘Beers-just-brewing’ but we’re funny.”

Leon then made me shotgun a beer with him.

At the end of the day, no one was able to find parking to get to Molly’s Sweet Sixteen party and people paid too much money for a beer that wasn’t worth it. 

Thanks for reading this story. It was partially written by the ChatGPT AI thing, and I think I’m the reason it’s not allowed to curse anymore.

Josh Santos

About Josh Santos

Writer and award-winning videographer and documentarian. Instagram: @HashtagSantos