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Mall Santa relieved of duties

By Clark Brooks | December 9, 2022

A man working at the old mall in Tampa has been fired from his annual seasonal job, just weeks before Christmas. “Please just call me Santa Claus,” the otherwise unnamed man said. “Because it’s a responsibility I take seriously and when I put this suit on, I am Santa Claus.” “No, you’re not,” said mall…

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Technicians at MacDill tracking Halloween perverts

By Clark Brooks | October 31, 2022

Air Force personnel at MacDill Air Force base are using North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) technology to track the movements of sexual predators around the Tampa Bay Area this Halloween in order to protect trick-or-treaters and other holiday celebrants. “It’s the exact same way NORAD tracks Santa Claus at Christmas,” said Major Cassandra McGraw…

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Would-be Santa accuses mall of sexual discrimination

By Clark Brooks | December 23, 2020
Mall Santa

A prospective mall Santa Claus is claiming she was denied employment due to being a woman. “I’m out here trying to grant Christmas wishes and smash the patriarchy”, says Suzanne Dopfler of Carrollwood. “There’s nothing that says Santa Claus has to be played by a male. Mrs. Claus? Get the hell outta here with that…

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