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Tampa commuter designs new traffic aid


Jack Blendwind, who commutes every day from Wesley Chapel to downtown Tampa, has invented a new device for cars that was inspired by the frustration he feels while stuck in traffic on I-275.

“It’s absolutely maddening”, he says. “Even with fewer cars on the road, I’m still stuck for at least 45 minutes either way. It’s just over 20 miles from my driveway to my job and typically I’m in my car for more than eight hours a week, surrounded by maniacs and idiots.”

The solution he’s come up with is something he calls “The Car Duster”, a device that emits a noxious,foul-smelling green cloud at the push of a button mounted on his steering wheel. “It’s operated via Bluetooth and is basically hands-free so it’s totally safe”, he says before adding, “Unless you are the one getting sprayed, of course.”

He explained that the installation is very simple. It consists of a tank that fits in a car’s trunk or pick-up truck’s cargo bed, connected by a hose to an additional tailpipe next to the vehicle’s existing exhaust system. The tank is filled with a chemical mixture that Blendwind prepares in his garage. “I tried home-brewing but it didn’t really work out”, he says. “At least all that expensive equipment is coming in handy now.”

“I use it at least four times every day; especially when somebody tailgates me. Believe me, one blast and they back right off. Good thing the solution is highly concentrated.” The vile green cloud that is emitted is a blend of methane and sulfuric acid and leftover chili. It smells terrible, with the scent trapped in sinuses for hours. It also causes an individuals eyes to water an in some cases, irritates the skin and induces nausea. He mentions, “The Car Duster System – please don’t call it a Fartmobile; somebody else owns the patent for that – makes a loud, distinctive noise which serves as a warning a split second before it’s too late. Also, you should be aware that the gas compound is highly explosive. If you get rear-ended, you’re going out but you’ll take whoever hit you along, as well as everything within at least 60 feet.”

When asked if the volatile toxin is at least environmentally safe, Blendwind replied, “Who cares? It’s safer than me shooting people who piss me off by driving like idiots, which is the alternative.” He then started giggling and added, “It’s also a lot of fun to use on pedestrians and bicyclists passing by. Just the other day I made a skateboarder wipe out in front of the SunTrust Building. I think he broke his femur!”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54