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Tampa goes entire day without news

No News

For the first time in Tampa’s history, the city has gone a full day without any news.

“Nothing happened today.” Said, Peck Bretters, Editor in Chief at Tampa News Daily. 

“The phones were quiet, nobody walked through the door, it was just nothing.” Bretters sighed.

“Well at least I get a story out of it!” I happily said to him.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Well, you have no stories, but I have a story based off of no stories happening!” I smiled.

Then Bretters pulled a knife on me but I was able to swiftly kick it from his hand before he could properly brandish it.

“Shit!” He exclaimed in frustration.

“Yea, sorry guy, but I’m used to other news people being hostile to me, we’re a fake news team, you guys usually hate us and pray on our downfall.” I thoughtfully explained without needing to.

“Yea, I definitely hate you.” Bretters said.

“That’s why I invited you to come do a story on the fact that there were no stories, I thought it would be a good opportunity to get you good.” Bretters squinted menacingly.

“Hmmm…” I paused.

“It doesn’t make sense for you to explain that to me, you’re never honest with you, you must be-“ I suddenly realized he had some other motives and was just explaining himself to waste precious seconds.

I turned around and there was a guy behind me with a tight metal wire who was mere moments away from strangling me.

I did the splits and elbowed him in the shin as hard as I could, dropping him to his knees, giving me the opportunity to spin kick him in the temple from the ground.

Bretters was visible disappointed and impressed at the same time.

“Yea, I also figured you would do that.” Bretters smugly bragged, before hitting a secret button below his desk which opened a trap door that I unfortunately happened to be laying on top of.

The trap door led me to a room full of people.

“Who are you people?” I asked.

“We’re the people who had news stories today. But we’ve been taken captive in an attempt to lure you in to do a story about how there were no stories.” Said a young person in the back corner of the room.

“Ah, of course, yes.” I put the pieces together in my mind.

“I bet if we all stand on top of each other, we could reach the top of the trap door.” I said.

“Everyone looked at each other and agreed that it might work.”

Every person in the room then methodically, piled on top of each other with just enough height for me to climb to the top and reach the trap door.

I got out of the top of the trap door and the rest of the people yelled to me, “Help us get out too!” And I replied, “Yes, I will go get help!”

I frantically dashed through the Tampa News Daily headquarters, trying to find a way out, so I could call the police from my cell phone.

I was able to find a window, barricaded by cardboard boxes, move them, and bust out.

I called the police and told them that people were being trapped in the TND headquarters, and they showed up shortly after.

“What’s going on?” Asked a cop who found me where I told him I was hiding.

“There’s people in there, being held in a room so that no news stories would be reported today!” I explained, my body shaking from adrenaline.

The cop then pulled his gun and pointed it at me.

“You really thought I was going to come help you?” He smiled slyly, pointing the gun at my neck.

“We work with Tampa News Daily, you should have known this…” The cop said, cocking back the hammer on the handgun.

“I did.” I said, to a look of shock on the officers face.

Then I stopped writing, because the Super Bowl ended on the TV next to me and I needed to go put my laundry in the dryer. If you were hoping that this story would finish, you have to remember. There was no news today. And if I didn’t follow that order, than I would be in trouble too. I work with Tampa News Daily and the police myself. I’m part of the system. We’re all in bed together, metaphorically. There is no real opposition. We have all been bought and paid off long ago. It’s all a psychological operation.

And it’s so prevalent that I’m allowed to tell that to you without any repercussion. That’s how confident we are that there will be no no consequences. We can tell you we’re corrupt and you can’t and won’t do anything about it. Alright, see you later!

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds