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Tampa News Force acquires this thing


Yesterday, at an online auction intended to liquidate the asset inventory of the recently closed Tampa Grand Prix family fun center, we bought the geodesic dome structure shown in the photo accompanying this article. Also this photo:

That’s it, off to the right of these batting cages, with the blue fabric on it. The other picture is better. We didn’t buy the batting cages.

“After we failed in our bid to purchase the old, used parade float from Tampa’s Bonney-Read Krewe, we felt bad about ourselves and really had this urge to buy something, so we bought this thing instead,” said Hal Gweeg, Tampa News Force Director of Purchasing Large Objects.

Oh man, this would have been SO much cooler! Damn it.

When asked what the venerable, completely legitimate and highly trusted local media outlet planned to do with the at least 20′ tall aluminum pipe structure with tattered scraps of colored material hanging from it, Gweeg said. “I don’t know. Sit under it? As long as it isn’t raining, I guess. Look at it and sigh sadly, knowing it’s not a parade float that looks like a pirate ship? I really don’t know. At the Grand Prix, I think they put trampolines under it, but we didn’t buy the trampolines, so that’s out.”

Personally, I think we should have bought this dildo castle instead. It’s already painted in TNF colors and Randy Holton could sleep in it.

He added, “At one point, Josh said something like, ‘we can make our own parade float out of it!’ and John said, ‘how would that work?’ and Josh said, ‘it’s mostly round, so it will probably roll pretty good’. John agreed with that and then they both stopped talking about it. That was a half hour ago. We spent $154 to buy it and more than twice that to haul it out of there so now we own it. I asked if it would be cheaper if they took it apart and they said that would actually be more expensive. John pointed out that there’s no way we would be able to reassemble it ourselves, which is probably true. But it fell off the truck twice while we were hauling it down Nebraska Avenue, so I’m sure we’re going to get bills for the damage that caused too. I don’t know, this seems like a disaster so far. But we’ll figure something out. Or we won’t. Again, I just don’t know.”

Seriously, what were we thinking?
Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54