Christine Valzer of Tampa, who has never participated in an election prior to this year, voted early this morning and immediately proclaimed an end to all divisive social and economic issues.
“Yep, that should do it”, she said as she left the West Tampa branch of the public library, and informed everyone waiting in line, “You all can go home. I took care of it. Enjoy the rest of the day. You’re welcome.”
Most people seemed to think she was kidding, but a few actually did get out of line. “You heard her”, said Rich Caliper, a 36-year-old lawn maintenance specialist, as he got into his Chevy pick-up. “I had cleared my schedule so I could take all day to do this if necessary. Now I’m going home and back to bed.” He then peeled out, spraying gravel everywhere.
Valzer said she was serious. “All I’ve been hearing is how valuable my vote is, how serious this election is and how many people are counting on me to do my civil duty. Well, enough already; message received! I did it, okay? Again, you’re welcome.”
When she was asked for whom she voted, she said, “I was really surprised to learn that so many people were counting on me taking personal responsibility and getting involved. I always thought this was the kind of thing that a bunch of people got together and worked out. I guess not. Taking all that into account along with the fact that I don’t even know some of the people who will be impacted for years to come, I filled in all the little circles. Every one of them. That way everybody wins. I think that’s the most fair.”
She added, “I wouldn’t say it was difficult, but it did take a long time. There were a lot of circles to fill in! I see now why people complain about doing this every year.”