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Trump Declares Victory in Florida, Nation

It‘s Election Day, November 3 2020, and it’s the culmination of one of the most important elections in American History.

The race features incumbent President Donald Trump vs. the Democratic nominee for President Joe Biden in a tight contest for the White House.

A record number of Americans have already voted, with millions more planning to head to the polls today. According to one candidate, however, there’s no need.

“I’ve already won,” tweeted Trump early this morning. “I’m proud to announce I’ve won the most perfect State of Florida. It was a huge victory. Huge success. Big win. They love me in Florida. Mar A Lago. And so I’m proud to announce I’ve clinched the rest of the nation, I’m the winner. No need to wake up this morning Sleepy Joe, cause Papa Trump just made America Great Again, Again. Mar A Lago. Tell that loser Sleepy Joe he can go home and kick rocks. But I bet he won’t. He would just give those rocks to some needy, poor person who had no rocks, like the loser he is. I have all the rocks.”

The polls close at 7pm EST, and the Supreme Court will rule on the outcome by 9. Happy Dystopia Everybody!