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Taylor Swift, new owner of Tampa News Force, encourages people to follow Tampa News Force

Taylor Swift, famous pop-star and current artist who cancelled her Saturday night performance in Tampa, has become the new owner of Tampa News Force after deciding during the litigation against TNF, that she, “actually really liked it.” And “Thought it was hilarious.”

Her new feelings come only days after her initial reaction to an article she considered fake which claimed she had cancelled her Saturday night show at Raymond James Stadium.

“Yea, it’s true, I cancelled my show on Saturday, but they had a hologram replacement and people still showed up, so they got a show even though it wasn’t me, and it’s like, yea I guess technically I cancelled it but it still happened so it doesn’t count”, Swift said to the staff of TNF during her first company meeting as the new owner.

“I own Tampa News Force, I love everyone who works here, if you are a fan of me, you need to follow them!”, shouted Swift in a way that everyone liked.

While some Swifties are still skeptical as to why their hero Taylor would buy a satire news organization and begin promoting it, there is one secret that she revealed.

“I’ll be honest folks, I’m not actually Taylor Swift.” Swift said, to a resounding gasp from the crowd which now engulfed the TNF headquarters.

“Well, my name is Taylor Swift, but I’m not the one you know, I just look, and sound, and sing like her, and there really is no discernible difference between us, but I am not the one you think I am, and I am sorry that you were misled”, Swift said with regret.

The people watching began crying.

“We loved you!”, shouted one person with no personality.

“We worshipped you and you lied to us!”, yelped another faceless blur of a human in the crowd.

“None of this is real, not even this right now!”, reverberated a disembodied voice which pulsed from the sky.

The doppelgänger Taylor Swift then clapped her hands in a thunderous manner which induced shockwaves.

Everyone shut up then she began flying and yada, yada, yada, stuff happened, the story ended, and you felt unfulfilled with the article.

Nothing new to see here, just another failed attempt at something, which is yet to be discovered.

“Why bother?”, said Taylor Swift to me through the screen as I typed her fake quote.

“Why bother what?”, I asked back to the sentences which fluidly appeared on the screen, appearing one character at a time, corresponding to my fingers tapping the keys on the aptly titled, “keyboard.”

“Never mind”, she said.

“Oh ok.” I responded.

“You’re not going to follow up on what I was talking about, you’re going to let me end it like that?”, she quipped back sounding disappointed.

“Yes, I’m going to leave it at that”, I said.

“In my experience, I’ve learned it’s better not to chase a story. Let them come to you. The more I poke and prod, the worse the story gets and I’ve taken it out of my hands and left it to the world now to write the stories for me. The harder you try the worse it is, that’s what I’ve learned when it comes to writing these stories”, I nodded.

“Oh, ok, that makes sense”, she responded, understanding totally.

And that was it. A hard stop which came to a screeching halt. 

Speaking of “screeching halts” I believe that’s what the headlines were saying when Taylor Swift cancelled her show on Saturday. Also when the character Screech- never mind, I’m not doing it.

Nothing good comes out of jokes like that.

Never has, never will.

Alright, I need to stick my foot in my mouth.

Ok, my foot is in my mouth, but it hasn’t effected my typing abilities.

Let me stick my hands in my mouth.

Now I’m typing with my elbows, it’s still relatively easy. Ok let me throw my laptop into the toilet, that should do the trick.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds