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These 3 numbers could change your life

No, I’ve got nothing sorry. I couldn’t even pretend to come up with one for this one. I just like when headlines say stupid shit like “This thing could change your life forever.” It never does. Honestly I’m not sure if anything I’ve ever read or heard has changed my life forever. When I was a kid my favorite basketball player was Gilbert Arenas and in an interview he said, “When I was a kid my dad told me, ‘when you’re asleep someone else is working.’ And after that I never slept more than 3 hours again.”

I thought about that for a while.

Partly because it’s inspiring and partly because it’s insane. Arenas was clearly a psychopath. It’s good to work hard, but to never sleep more than 3 hours is just medically detrimental. So I thought it was interesting, but I don’t think it changed my life. 

It’s usually a collection, and a culmination of things that changes your life. Or something hurts you. You touch the stove and it’s hot so you don’t do it again. Which is such a cliche example, but I don’t even want to be writing this so that is as much as I can give at the moment. Sometimes you have more energy, sometimes you don’t. That usually has to do with a combination of food you ate, and drugs you took, and sleep you had. Did you get sun and exercise today? Did you eat decent? Did you sleep decent? I don’t care, I’m just asking for the sake of more letters being on this page. I don’t care about anything being written right now but I would still be sad if it got deleted. That’s an interesting place to be.

I know it’s mostly worthless, but all together it still feels like something. That’s most art right? And don’t you dare beguile me for calling this art.

I don’t even know what beguile means, but it seems like a word like would fit there. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s a word.

And so were those.

No words are more important than others.

Just more well known.

It’s like they’re more famous.

Like the word “the” is like one of the most famous words of all time.

Just like “is” and “I.”

Those are A-list words. Everyone is familiar.

Then words like “beguile” are less known.

But some argue that they’re just as important and everybody nods like, “yea, yea, totally, just as important. Just stop talking to me and leave me alone weirdo.”

But they have a point. Every word is important.

But are they all as equally important?

I’d say no.

Because I don’t know thousands of words and I’ve lived my whole life relatively well without them. I think.

Maybe if I knew those words it would change my life. Forever. For the better.

But I don’t know, because I have no reference to what my life would be like if I knew them.

Maybe I should just read a dictionary, start-to-finish, then read the Bible.

People seem to really feel like the Bible is super important to read.

I tried reading it one time in a hotel, because you know they always got them in the night stand for some reason. Like a hotel is where you want to read the Bible or something. Maybe it’s superstitious. I tried to read it, but within 2 pages it was too intense, I didn’t like it. It felt too preachy and serious. I want to read nice, fun things. It felt too judgey. 

Anyways, I just scrolled back to the top of the page to see what the headline was because I had completely forgotten.

“These 3 numbers could change your life.”

Interesting headline. I wonder what sparked my brain to come up with it. This is one of the headlines I had to push myself to make. Most of the time the headlines just come into my head without me trying, and I see the whole story, and I write it. This time, I had dedicated time right now to write so I forced myself to come up with some headlines, and this is one of them.

Usually I write when I don’t want to do anything else. When I don’t want to do more tedious stuff like video editing. My life is mostly writing and video editing and then the stand up part. And filming too. I do those things. Then basketball and working out and biking and petting cats, that’s really the run down of the majority of my life. And there’s nothing else to say about that.

I don’t need to be writing anymore now, or sharing anything else. But I also don’t really need to do anything besides eat and pay rent right? I guess people have other responsibilities like take care of family members, but luckily the rest of my family is independent and does not rely on me for anything, so I’m not waiting on anybody. Nobody really needs me for anything. I guess I could argue some people “need” me for entertainment, but then again, if I was gone, they probably wouldn’t have a hard time just scrolling to the next thing and being entertained by that. But we want to believe we’re needed. And cosmically we are, we all fit into the universal machine in our own unique way.

And I’m not even high right now.

Dead sober on a Monday right now.

Hosted an open mic a few hours ago and now I’m writing, that’s it.

These are the thoughts I have which flow through me eternally. People could criticize my writing or style but… my mind stopped for a second there because I was thinking of how to even articulate that “it is what it is,” but there’s no way to really accentuate that things just “are.” Criticism is fair. Defense is fair. I’m just writing thoughts as they come without refining them really. Sometimes I’ll take a few split seconds to roll through synonyms which sound better phonetically but that’s about it. Once I have the thought I barely tailor it.

And at this point, this is nothing more than some sort of blog about my psyche. But that’s fine because this is a fake news website and we’re held to no literary rules other than filling up an online space.

Do the words go in the space? Yes? Them I’m nailing it.

Coherent sentences? Mostly.

Well that’s great then.

As long as this can be “read” I’m pretty much doing my job. My unpaid passion project. Where I’m the boss. 

What a great gig.

Or it’s an awful gig.

Really depends on the eye of the beholder.

And my eye is on that boulder which is tumbling down that mountain directly towards my laptop!


The boulder just barely passed me, thank gosh.

I’ve been writing this on the side of a mountain in the Himalayas. You know, where the pink salt comes from.

Ok, I gotta go wrangle these goats before my real boss comes back. My real job is I wrangle mountain goats for a little farm. That job actually has real rules, online this one where I just spurt nonsense from my fingers through this wireless keyboard.

Alright that’s all folks.

(Porky Pig then bursts out from the story and says, in a very stuttered-way, “That’s all folks!”)

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds