This weekend is free fisting weekend in Tampa Bay

Starting today, Saturday, September 5, through Labor Day, Monday, September 7, Tampa Bay residents will be able to enjoy fisting without a fisting license.

License-free fisting days are a great way for Tampa Bay residents and visitors to find out why Florida is world famous for fisting.

“License-free fisting days offer a special opportunity to enjoy one of Florida’s favorite indoor/outdoor activities,” said Governor Ron DeSantis. “I encourage all Floridians and visitors to take advantage!”

“License-free fisting weekend is a great opportunity to introduce someone to fisting for the first time,” said Florida Department of Seemingly Arbitrary, Unnecessary and Ultimately Unenforceable Regulations Director Don Frisdenten. “Spend this Labor Day weekend with loved ones enjoying the Fisting Capital of the World as you fist until your heart… or whatever… is content.”

This weekend is part of eight total license-free fisting days the state of Florida offers each year. Normally, fisting without a license is an offense punishable by a $1500 fine. “Talk about taking it in the ass. Wowie zowie!”, says Frisdenten.

One person who is not excited about this news is Mrs. Harris, my 11th grade English teacher. “This is an extremely juvenile and distasteful article”, she says. “Didn’t you also write that dreadful, sophomoric SeaWorld/c-word article about a week ago? You have potential to do so much more and yet you insist on squandering it and not applying yourself by wasting time on foul nonsense like this. I’m very disappointed in you, Mr. Brooks. Very, very disappointed.”