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Trump directs armpit farts at critics


On a surprise visit to Tampa this morning for the sake of qualifying this article as “local” or maybe to get some Waffle House hash browns, an obviously annoyed President Donald Trump delivered a message to people criticizing him for calling for an end to counting votes.

“You know what? All of a sudden you’re obsessed with counting things? I have something you can count!”, he said as he simulated the sound of flatulence by creating a pocket of air within his armpit by partially raising his arm, cupping his armpit with his hand, then swiftly closing the pocket by bringing the arm close to the torso, causing the air to push against the skin, creating the noise. “Yeah! You like that?”, he asked as he duplicated the maneuver eight times in rapid succession. “You’re so concerned with counting; count those, bitches!”

Onlookers viewing the display in person and on Twitter were either horrified or thrilled.

“This is disgusting,” said Brenda Teeler a registered Democrat who lives in St. Petersburg. “There’s no depth to which he won’t sink. What an utterly embarrassing spectacle from the so-called ‘leader’ of our formerly great nation.” Teeler’s 11-year-old son was already mimicking the move in the background as she spoke.

Meanwhile, Mandy Pruppwidth of Temple Terrace said, “I couldn’t be more proud of OUR President! Hopefully the libtard domestic terrorists trying to hijack the election got the message loud and clear!”, as she continued designing a red ‘Make Armpit Farts Great Again’ (MAFGA) cap for her Etsy store.

When informed after the fact that some people didn’t appreciate the message, Trump expressed surprise. “You’ve gotta be kidding me. I can see not liking the message itself but are you telling me they don’t at least appreciate the way I delivered it? Do people not realize how difficult that is? I’ve been trying to learn how to that since I was in college and I just got it,” he said. “People simply don’t appreciate skill and craftsmanship anymore. It’s truly sad. Well, in that case, they can just forget about ever getting a zorbert from me then.”

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54