Yeehaw Junction Makes Bid for Spring Break Business

In the wake of Miami’s decision to impose fines, curfews, bag checks, restricted beach access, DUI checkpoints, $100 parking fees and nonresident towing rates of more than $500 in an effort to discourage spring breakers from coming to town, Yeehaw Junction has offered to fill the void created.

“Yep, we’re open for business,”, said resident Goover Warshington Jr., one of approximately 240 people who choose to live there instead of anywhere else for some reason. “Just like Governor DeSantis said back in 2020, except we mean it!”

After escalating criminal behavior over the last few years, with incidents of vandalism, drunkenness and highlighted by two fatal shootings last year, the Miami elected officials voted to impose measures to discourage spring breakers, including $100 parking fees and 6 p.m. beach closures. They also released a video on various social media platforms in which the city announced it was “breaking up with spring break”.

“Yeah, none of that stuff will happen here because nothing ever happens here,” said Warshington. “You can just come here and do whatever you want. True, we don’t have a beach but we’re also miles away from any kind of constant police presence.”

Best known as “Florida’s Best Place To Stop And Take A Piss Between Places That Are Actually Cool” and “Literally The Middle Of Fucking Nowhere” and “My God, We’re Going To Die Out Here And Nobody Is Ever Going To Find Our Bodies”, Yeehaw Junction is located at the intersection of US 441/SR 15, SR 60 and Florida’s Turnpike (SR 91), approximately 30 miles west of Vero Beach and 30 miles north of Lake Okeechobee.

“Hell yeah, come on, horny college kids from out-of-state”, said Warshington. “Bring some food. Bring some booze. Bring some hot chicks. We already got diggin’ tools so don’t worry about that.”

“Sounds like a win-win-win to me,” he added.