A self-proclaimed “ultra-woke liberal” man fell asleep while driving his monster truck during a monster truck show and accidentally drove into the stands, running over thousands of people, killing 400.
Known as “The Woke Bloke,” the British-born monster truck driver, moved to the States as a child and become a bleeding-liberal, constantly championing whatever the current, most-woke, agenda was.
“He had recently begun campaigning to include sanitary napkins for transpeople to be covered by medicare, that was his newest cause.” Said Meda Marzain, wife of Tevin Plotzky, “The Woke Bloke.”
“He was tweeting about a rally he was organizing while he was driving his monster truck around the arena, when he accidentally clicked an ad which ‘promised to make you sleep in 2 second.’ Apparently it worked because he fell asleep immediately, lost control of the truck, and drove into the stands, hurting and killing all those people.” Marzain explained.
“Tevin is currently in the hospital, but his fans are praying for his speedy recovery and hoping he’ll be back in his truck soon.” Marzain smiled with hopeful tears in her eyes.
“Is he going to get in trouble for accidentally killing all those people?” I asked.
“Of course not.” She scoffed.
“He’s an ultra-woke liberal, the system is controlled by libs and while manipulate things so he will be considered a hero and not a negligent manslaughter person.” Marzain had turned her back to me and had gone back to scrubbing her kitchen counter with a rag.
“Oh, ok, that makes sense.” I said, lying through my teeth because I had no idea how that made sense, but I wasn’t going to bother questioning it, because I’m not a passionate journalist, I just do this for a check.
Plotzky, “The Woke Bloke” has 10 million fans on Truth social, even though that’s a predominantly conservative platform, but republicans can’t help but love monster trucks, so he’s been able to bridge the gap of bipartisanship and appeal to both sides.
“I don’t like what he says, but I love seeing the trucks smash things.” Said former President, and current shadow-President, Donald Trump.
“Everything he says outlaid is garbage, but boy can he drive a giant truck.”
Plotzky has released a new line of clothing titled, “Plotzky-strong” where 20% of net proceeds from the items sold will go towards building beaver dams in Nairobi.