Woman Mourns Imminent Loss of Channelside GreenWise

Danielle Stopcox, a Water Street resident, is beside herself in abject grief today, as it’s the last day before the Channelside GreenWise Market is transformed into a regular Publix.

“Why? Whhyyyy?!?”, she wailed in despair. “Wwhhhhyyyyyy????”

Publix, the Lakeland-based supermarket chain had eight GreenWise Markets throughout Florida at one time, until the decision was made at one point late in 2023 to convert them all from organic, boutique-style locations to the more traditional supermarket concept.

“Great. So they’re just going to rip out the fresh salad bar, the hot buffet, the pizza kitchen and all the other incredible amenities and replace them with another soup aisle? Toilet paper? Just what America needs right now; more canned soup and diapers,” she said, with tears streaming down her face. “What about the bar? Greenwise has a bar that serves beer and wine that you can visit while you shop! A bar!!”

”I ask for so little from life; I didn’t even cry when my parents died. Let me have this!” she pleaded. “I’m not the kind of person who’s prone to being overdramatic but my life is over.”

A spokesperson for Publix, without mentioning specifics, said the location will retain many of the GreenWise amenities, including the bar, possibly.

Still, many shoppers like Stopcox are deeply disappointed and she remains inconsolable.

“I might as well start shopping at… ALDI’S,” she screamed to the heavens as she dropped to her knees in front of the charcuterie counter.