10 ways to make your dick bigger for free
Get it stung by a bee
If your dick gets stung by a bee it will swell up, and that will make it larger.
Slam it between a car door
This is another swelling tactic. If you place it between a car door and slam it shut, it will cause blood to flow to it and it will puff up, much larger than normal.
Look at it under a magnifying glass
This optical illusion will make your penis appear larger to anyone who views it through the magnifying glass at the proper angle.
Work it out in the gym
Go to the gym and do exercises specific towards penile growth. There are plenty of machines you can circuit to maximize genital bigness.
Take pills
Take those pills they sell at the gas station, next to the lottery tickets. Those make it bigger.
Get aroused
When you see something that stimulates you sexually, your organs respond accordingly. And in the case of sexual arousal, the male genitalia becomes engorged.
Respond to emails in your junk folder
If you check your junk mail folder for your email, you will see lots of messages promising a larger manhood. Open those, and respond to them. That will make it bigger.
Wish upon a star
When you wish upon a star, it doesn’t matter who you are, you can wish for a larger dick.
Wish for it when you blow out birthday candles
If you’re able to blow out all of the candles on your birthday cake, your wish will come true, and if you wish for larger junk, it will work.
Get plastic surgery
You can tell doctors to make it bigger and they will. Did you know that? It’s true. Seriously. I read a whole thing about it in The New Yorker. They’re really running out of stuff to talk about. They find nonsense and figure out how to talk about it pompously. Not like here. We’re salt-of-the-earth dick-growers.
BONUS TIP
Ask the witch
Most cities and towns have their own local witches, and if you’re able to track them town, you can ask them to make your thing bigger. They’re used to people making this request so it will not be cumbersome. Just be confident when you ask, and have something to offer them as well. Cat’s paw. Rat tails. Stuff like that.
