20 Tips to get your New Year Started Right
20. Stop living a lie
Be the real you this year, stop lying to others and surround yourself with only those who can handle your baggage.
19. Quit Wasting Your Energy on Imaginary Arguments in Your Head
Why are you spending so much time and energy arguing with someone who isn’t there?
18. Eat more plant-based meat alternatives
This hyper processed alternative to dead animals is just as good as the real deal. Swap out some of your meat dishes with a plant-based alternative.
17. Learn to Punch/Kick
Everyone is going to want to fight you because you’re being yourself. Learn to defend your real self from haters today!
16. Start fighting people on the street
Now that you know how to fight, practice on people who are walking towards you.
15. Get rid of everything you own
Take a good look at everything you own, now grab it all and toss it in the trash because you’re not going to need it.
14. Sell your organs
Getting black-out drunk and selling your organs is a rite of passage to adulthood.
13. Harvest roadkill meat
It’s free meat! Get that protein.
12. Stop using your turn signal
Make 2020 the year you stop being a bitch. Learn to drive like a real Florida person.
11. Finish that app idea you started
Quit talking about it and finish it today!
10. Become a millionaire
Solve your money problems this year by becoming a millionaire today! All you have to do is decide how many millions you want and then focus hard. Manifest it!
9. Go into debt
It takes money to make money. Go into debt with hopes of becoming rich someday!
8. Stop reading
Reading is no longer necessary, and it’s for losers. Stop reading this article. I don’t care.
7. Sneak on to a yacht
Most people that own a yacht, own multiple yachts. They won’t notice if you sneak on and party for a little while.
6. Go stand-up paddle boarding
Mike runs a great paddle tour, schedule your M&M Paddle Tour today!
5. Rent and destroy an electric scooter
You see these things littering the streets, take one out of commission and help out drivers in Tampa.
4. Vote Republican
What’s the worst that could happen?
3. Take a fat dump
You deserve it!
2. Stop tipping
Save a couple bucks and show people working for scraps that they should work harder.
1. Join a cult
Become a part of something bigger than you, and then do as the leader says!
