For the first time in the history of the Best of the Bay awards, every single category was awarded to a single winner.
“This is a truly unprecedented development. We’re pleased, yet somewhat chagrined, to announce that the winner of every single 2020 award is Coron A. Virus,” said awards administrator Clair Sinclair. “It’s all people are talking about! Literally. Hurray and damn it.”
Many people are deeply upset by this development. Doug McGlug, a previous winner in the category of Best Bi-Curious Bartender says, “They should have seen this coming, way back in January when Baby Yoda captivated the world’s attention. They could have taken steps to deal with one single, social media-promoted, pop culture entity drawing an unfair share of attention.” He added, “They also promised that there’d be plenty of ballots for everyone and clearly that didn’t happen. This is a systemic failure to prepare.”
Sinclair disagrees. “I take no responsibility. Nobody could have anticipated this. And I think our response has been handled very well.”
“Whatever. It’s a popularity contest. I don’t give a shit,” responds McGlug.
“I’m sorry everyone isn’t happy, I really am,” offers Sinclair. “That’s why we sent out those coupons for $1.20 off at participating Twistee Treat locations in Tampa Bay to all eligible Best of the Bay nominees. It’s a gesture of support, to show that we’re all in this together.”
“Yeah, I heard about that,” says McGlug. “But I didn’t get one for some reason. Again man, it’s whatever.”
An obviously exasperated Sinclair said, “I don’t know what to say. At the end of the day, I guess some people are just not going to be happy. And as far as I’m concerned, those people can go drink bleach. Also, there will be no gala.”