An incredible, $pecial opportunity for Mr. Elon Musk
Dear Mr. Elon Musk,
Hi. How are you? We are Tampa News Force and we have been following recent news reports that you are interested in purchasing Twitter for $43,000,000,000.00. We think that’s a fantastic idea! The only thing better than being prolific on a popular social media platform is owning a popular social media platform. Obviously we hope that effort works out because there’s no foreseeable downside in someone as wealthy as you controlling a global information and communication hub.
However, if in the highly unlikely event that your bid is less than successful, we have a pretty great fallback option for you…
$$$ BUY TAMPA NEWS FORCE! $$$
Just in case you’ve never heard of us, which we realize is laughably impossible…
Tampa News Force (TNF) is the brainchild of John Jacobs and Joshua Santos. It serves as an outlet for producing and publishing a variety of comedic content. TNF publishes fresh satire content daily here at Tampa News Force.com as well as producing films, video sketches, live shows and more. TNF is managed by John and Josh with assistance from Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor Clark Brooks and features contributions from more than 50 local comedians, performers and writers, none of whom are paid!
This is not the first time we have offered ourselves up for sale to certain individuals but we have found that those parties are apparently not as serious about making good, smart business deals as you are.
Let’s get together soon and talk about a deal over a nice business lunch. Our treat (look at that, you’re already saving money)!! We like either The Independent or Café Hey here in Tampa. Both have great food and serve beer. Probably the two best restaurants in town (way better than Fly Bar + Restaurant), we discuss business matters all the time at both of these fine places. John and Josh both own suits and will wear them to lunch if you’d like. That’s how serious we are about this.
We think you’ll find that our terms are very reasonable and that with a minimum of negotiation, we will be able to reach a mutually beneficial deal. Also, for what it’s worth, we have never tracked the flight plans for anyone’s private jet. Derek Jeter doesn’t even one. Plus, we have a Twitter account, so in a way, you’d be owning a part of Twitter by owning us!
So hey, when you get a chance, you can DM us on Twitter and we’ll get this all set up.
Take care and we hope to talk to you very, very soon!
Sincerely,
Tampa News Force
