Good afternoon everyone. My name is Artie Glookfloosh and I am a made-up character with a fake name who serves as some sort of vice president with the Tampa News Force organization.
I’m coming to you from my bunker office somewhere in the old mafia gold tunnels beneath Ybor City with a message of hope and comfort for you, the TNF readers. Since every company from Target to Taco Bell is sending these out to customers, we figured we might as well do likewise.
First of all, thank you for your continued support. Our numbers continue to trend in the right direction (upward) and we are sincerely thankful to you for that.
Secondly, we’re aware that almost everything that’s any fun at all is being cancelled or postponed. Sports, live theatre, stand-up comedy shows. Pretty soon, it looks like it’s going to be movie theaters, bars and restaurants. There’s no delicate way to phrase it: if fucking SUCKS! However, in the face of all that, we want to reassure you that Tampa News Force has no plans to shut down or even curtail our publishing activity. What allows us to keep going is that we’re basically a magazine that exists solely on the internet, so total germ-free activity. Who would have predicted that the internet would be the only place to turn to to find a safe source of entertainment? Ha ha ha hee hoo hoo!
If anything, we might even be publishing MORE content, as we have less to do otherwise. And all of that is done with the intent of entertaining YOU. We hope you continue to like what we bring to you because we plan on continuing to do so. If you do and you feel like someone else might enjoy what we do, feel free to share. That would be good for them and even better for us, and frankly, as a business, that’s really all we care about. I mean, by all means, wash your hands, limit your social interactions, don’t hook up with transients in bus station bathrooms and all that CDC stuff, but keep reading these fresh, homemade fart jokes.
To sum up, we love you, we’re here for you, stay safe and be here for us.
I’ve already forgotten the fake name I used at the start of this post, so I’m signing off as…
Fictional Vice President Character
Tampa News Force