August 2019 Horoscope
You can look to the stars for guidance, but make sure there isn’t any oncoming traffic you are about to walk into.
Hey you! Yeah you. Just shut up already. You talk entirely too much.
You are very virtuous. Virtuous is boring. Go crazy. Let your inner floozy shine!
Much the opposite of Virgo, you need to relax. Hold your horses bucko.
You are a gentleman and a scholar. Start acting like one.
Contrary to popular belief, you must put the fire out. What are you doing just standing there? Grab a bucket!
Handsome is as handsome does. But you aren’t handsome. So ugly is as ugly does? I don’t know. Work with me here.
The streets are paved with gold. Which is to say they are very slippery. Wear the proper footgear.
Don’t worry, Aries. The chaos you so crave is returning to your life very soon.
If the red sky at night is a sailor’s delight, than what the heck does a green sky mean?
Be duplicitous this week. As if you needed someone to tell you that.
Soft blankets will not solve all your problems.