Bayshore – Hillsborough County – Monday, 3.25.2019
For one week only, Bayshore Boulevard will be converted into the worlds longest Slip-n-Slide as part of a special NOS Energy Drink sponsored promotion.
“It’s neat! I’m bringing a hose to attach to the water fountains along Bayshore and help lubricate the Slip-n-Slide,” says citizen volunteer Nadine Molotov. “I love when this kind of stuff comes to town, I grew up in north-east Tampa, nowhere near Bayshore, so anytime I can be near it, I jump at the opportunity!” She faux jumps at me for effect.
The logistics for the event are very ambitious, as a 4-mile-long tarp will be needed to extend from one end of bayshore boulevard to the other, however the local UPS store has promised that they can “print that sort of thing in no more than 5 days.” So NOS will be waiting on a call from that UPS store any day now to pick up their tarp.
NOS energy drink has chosen the Slip-n-Slide as their promotion attaching the theme, “Slide into life!” Giving citizens the opportunity to slide a giant slip-n-slide. There will be contests to see who can “Slip” the longest, and how fast someone can “Slide,” with grand prizes for the contest reaching up to $4,000.
Ok, now listen to me. I’ve realized that the editor never reads past three paragraphs in my stories so this is the time I can reach out to our readers to express a message very serious and severe. I believe our nemesis, Anti-News Co. has infiltrated Tampa News Force, and I believe one of our own is working for them from the inside. I have a feeling it might be Liam, our pickle ball player-writer, whom I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting in person, but he continues to contribute stories.
Maybe it’s Josh. My own roommate. What’re the odds. The person I trust the most being the one to betray you. Ain’t that life. I think he’s trying to tank the company because he’s been compromised by Anti-News Co. I think they have some dirt on him so he’s planting cyber-bombs in our website set to detonate at some future time. To disrupt the code.
I’m not sure why I’m paranoid this way, but I’ve just noticed small things around the office. Classified files aren’t where I’ve left them. Pages are missing from my journals. Josh’s neck shoots sparks out of it sometimes and he shouts “ERROR! ERROR!” I can’t quite put my finger on it.
That being said, Anti-News Co. has started a GoFundMe and I can’t stress enough the extreme importance that you DO NOT DONATE to this GoFundMe. If they reach their goal of two million dollars, we’ll be forced to shut down or be at the will of their bidding. Either way, it’s not what we want, so again, please do not donate to this GoFundMe, and if you have any tips on who you may believe is the mole, please email us at our tips line, firstname.lastname@example.org