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Brittney Griner starts OnlyFans from prison

Britney Griner

Former WNBA star and current political prisoner in Russia, Brittney Griner, has launched an OnlyFans account using a cell phone that was smuggled into incarceration.

“Nobody’s doing anything, so if I’m stuck here, I might as well do something.” Captioned Griner on a picture of her doing the splits naked on a prison bunk-bed.

“When will ya’ll help me?” Captioned another photo of Griner doing a naked handstand on the seat of the metal prison toilet.

She uploaded a video of her getting head from her cellmate with the caption, “Sh*t if ya’ll ain’t gonna head to to me I’ma get my head in here lol.”

She already has 2,000,000 subscribers and is making upwards of $10,000,000 per month. If she can maintain those kind of numbers over her full 9-year sentence, she’ll return home with over 1.2 billion dollars.

“At least she’s found a way to turn lemons into lemonade.” Said a statement from the United States Department of Overseas Prisoners.

“We’re thinking about doing something about it, but we’re not really sure what we want to do.” Continued the statement.

“If she were someone like Meta Worldpeace, maybe we’d act quicker, but she’s an athlete in a league that does not do huge numbers. This is a country of big numbers people. If you don’t make hundreds of millions of dollars, we don’t really care that much about you.” The statement concluded.

In all seriousness, let’s bring our baby home! Vin Diesel recently posted on his Instagram that he “wanted her home by the 25th” implying December 25th, so the fact that the founding father of the Fast franchise has spoken out means it might be time to do something. Our girl is rotting in Russia while she could be dunking across the country for quarter-full arenas. It’s not funny that she’s locked up. I’m trying to spread awareness. You might think it’s rude or crass, but if I can keep her relevant through this article, I’m doing a good thing. Don’t let the news of her being locked up die or get swept under the rug. We must continue to pressure the people in power to bring our sweet sexy mocha princess home. Damn she fine. I know she doesn’t swing my way, but shit, I’d beat my own ish just thinking about her. Get lost up in those locks. She fine as hell. She could dunk on me all day. I’d kiss her kneecaps, sh*t I don’t care.

Anyways, bring back BG! God bless everyone, have a merry X-mas, and happy holidays.

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds