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Brooksville to unveil new statue

The City of Brooksville, (currently) named after a violently bigoted 19th century senator from South Carolina, is planning to unveil a new statue outside the county courthouse.

“We’re seeking to bring all the diverse populations of our community together, and what brings folks who live in a community that actually has diverse populations together like pancakes?”, says city councilman Delbert Duboff with a chuckle. “No, seriously. I’m asking, because I have no idea.”

The statue, titled ‘Whew Chile’ was commissioned from sculptor Lee V’Mynameoutofthis and features elements specifically requested by the city council.

“We wanted a beautiful piece of public art that portrays a universally adored historical figure, who is a minority and a woman, that is associated with a genuine sweetness,” says Duboff. “And I have to say, I think we nailed it.”

He added, “we also asked for something that wouldn’t be flammable or easy to knock over.”

He went on to say, “Listen, we’re just a sleepy small town in the south, the kind of place where we sit on our porches in the evening, drinking lemonade and waving at some of our neighbors. Maybe we’re not as progressive as the cosmopolitan folks over in Pasco County, but when we have a chance to right a wrong, we do it. With a vengeance.”

“I honestly can’t see how anybody would have a problem with this monument,” he said in conclusion. “If they do, I guess we just don’t get it and probably never will.”

The statue is scheduled to be unveiled this Saturday afternoon at 2pm by a committee of civic dignitaries and destroyed later that night by a group of angry citizens.

Clark Brooks

About Clark Brooks

Senior Supreme Executive Premium Content Editor for Tampa News Force. Comedian, writer and ordained minister. Twitter: @ClarkBrooks | Instagram:@ClarkBrooks54


  1. Avatar Brenda A on June 18, 2020 at 8:31 am

    Way to go! Bring the ignorance and violence to our small town. This kind of “pot stirring” attitude is the reason people move to Brooksville and away from Tampa and larger cities. You obviously know absolutely nothing about our town. The only bigot I see in this article is the author!

    • Avatar Preston Brooks on June 22, 2020 at 2:02 pm

      If you live in Brooksville, all you have to do to see bigots is go outside.

  2. Avatar lisaspad on June 18, 2020 at 8:37 am

    Shame on you for poking fun at a very serious issue in our country. This does nothing to solve it. Why not try to put yourself in the shoes of those who have been oppressed in their own country for hundreds of years and have some compassion? Don’t be part of the problem.

    • Avatar Fool Schooler on June 22, 2020 at 2:04 pm

      Learn how satire works. Poking fun at very serious issues is a time-honored American tradition.

  3. Avatar Kim L. on June 18, 2020 at 10:25 am

    People like you are EXACTLY why riots and fighting break out. You stir the pot and try to impose views that are not representative of Brooksville. Yes, we are a sleepy Southern town that sits on our porches and waves at our neighbors…. you know why…because we KNOW our neighbors and care about our neighbors….including the black ones. You don’t see our black citizens here fighting and rioting in the streets. They respect the community. The South has a heritage just like every other group that EVER fought in a war. I am not for slavery……but I am also not for erasing history. It doesn’t change what happened. Let’s teach history and learn from it….and teach our children how to learn from the past and the responsibility of TRUE journalism…..which appears you know nothing about.

    • Avatar An actual resident of Brooksville on June 22, 2020 at 2:07 pm

      This is a humor site that publishes satire and parody, something you obviously know nothing about. And if you think Brooksville is some modern equivalent of Mayberry RFD, you’ve never been there.

  4. Avatar Victoria Sidlsuskas on June 18, 2020 at 9:00 pm

    This is disgraceful! Not humorous, not farcical, just
    Brooksville is a beautiful city filled with people who care about living here.; people who are interested in the history andvthe culture and most of all people who believe strongly in peace and harmony. To print something like this at a time when the entire country is hurting is insensitive , juvenile and pathetic.

    • Avatar Deb Kelley on June 19, 2020 at 9:20 pm

      Respectfully Sir, you are an ass.

    • Avatar In Brooksville With A Brain on June 22, 2020 at 2:08 pm

      Everything you just said is demonstrably false.

  5. Avatar Someone who gets it on June 22, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    Thank you for shining a humorous light on ugly truths. Long live Tampa News Force!

  6. Avatar F your statues on July 1, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    I wonder why these butthurt Brookesvillians are not as upset about the true parts of this article, that the town is named after a disgusting, violent bigot, as they are about the silly, obviously fake parts?
    I guess they must be big fans of disgusting bigots.