Governor Ron DeSantis has confirmed he engaged in a relationship of sexual nature with Rosa Flores, the CNN journalist he argued with during a televised press conference the other day.
“Yea, that was kind of like foreplay for us.” DeSantis said.
“We pretend we don’t like each other and it makes it hotter once we get back to my van which I converted into a mobile home which I spend most of my time masturbating in. Oops! I may have said too much!” DeSantis laughed and slapped his knee.
“Honey, come back to the Van!” A voice from the back of DeSantis van called to him.
“Yea, yea, I’ll be there in a moment” DeSantis turned and yelled back to the van.
“Sorry, as you heard my old lady back there, I’ve got to get back to my ‘real job.’” DeSantis said while doing air quotes.
“Is that the journalist you argued with calling you to the van?” I asked him.
“I don’t even know.” DeSantis shrugged.
“It’s dark in the van and I have multiple partners, not just women, who join me in my fun-van whom I indulge nightly and share my dark steamy desires with. And frankly, I don’t even know who you are, and why I’m talking to you.” DeSantis pondered wondering what he was doing in this moment. He then poked my shoulder.
“Just who are you exactly and how did you track me to my fun-van which I park behind this abandoned bowling alley in Date City?” DeSantis inquired.
“Oh I’m nobody.” I said.
“Just doing my thing, trying to get the news, you know how it is.”
I tried to calm him down.
Suddenly shots rang out from inside the Governors van shattering the windows.
“Stop it!” DeSantis shouted.
“I’m out here too! If it was just the fake news journalist you could rattle them all off, but wait until I get back in there!” He shouted.
“I’m going to leave now.” I told the Governor.
Then I left.