Florida Aquarium to become new home of the Rays

In a landmark deal, the Rays Touch Tank stingrays will be moving out of Tropicana Field and will now be housed at the Channelside Florida Aquarium.

“These stingrays haven’t seen actual sunlight in years,” said Rays owner Stu Sternberg. “Within the next few years, you are all going to be seeing less and less of the stuff that made Tropicana Field a bearable place to come and watch baseball.”

The multi-millionaire investor and majority owner of the Tampa Bay Rays announced the plans to move the stingrays but also added that he will not be paying for their relocation. “If the Florida Aquarium really cares about the well-being of these stingrays, they will come pick them up immediately before the renovators come in and take the tank apart.”

Along with removing the stingray tank, fans can expect even less seats available for purchase during game days.

“We are in the process of removing all the seats in Tropicana field except for about three dozen lawn chairs that will be available as a first-come-first-serve kind of thing,” said Sternberg before abruptly ending his press conference and refusing to answer any questions.