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Florida life hacks

Life Hacks

Living in Florida comes with a unique set of circumstances that can weigh on your day-to-day life. With this list of life hacks, you can navigate Florida life, just a little bit easier

Keep a bucket of ice in your car

If you keep a large metal bucket of ice in your car at all times, it will counteract the heat with cool fumes which will fill the car when you’re not there. That way when you enter your car, you will be hit with a large blast of arctic air which will keep you cool, no matter how hot it is outside. 

Cut off your tail pipe

By cutting off your cars tail pipe you will emit much more CO2 than a regular car. CO2 helps create smog which increases cloud cover. When he sky is filled with dark clouds, that means there will be less light from the sun shining down on you. This is a neat, easy-to-do tip which will help keep you and your family cool during the hot summers.

Leave your door unlocked

By leaving your door unlocked at all times, you increase your chances of random encounters. In Florida, this could mean lots of new friends and people to share stories with. It will also keep you on alert at all times and give you something to think about while you’re not at home. Every trip back to your residency you’ll be wondering, “Is someone in my house? Have my things been stolen?” This is a good tip for people who have anxiety, because immersion therapy is the quickest way to toughen up your psyche and move past mundane mental fatigue 

Fill your pockets with cashews

By lining your pockets with the coveted nut, you will be the most sought after person in the animal kingdom. Florida is littered with critters such as squirrels and lizards, and interestingly enough, both of those creatures go absolutely bonkers for cashews. When you see a squirrel or a lizard, toss out a healthy serving of cashews and watch them go bananas, climbing over each other for a bite of the sweet tree nut. This will impress passers-by, and most likely land you a date with a hot humanitarian.

Never break a $20

No matter what, never break a twenty-dollar-bill. Only carry 20’s or larger. If you have smaller bills, you will need to give them to people who ask. If you have 20’s you can say, “I’m sorry, I only have 20’s.” And the person might go, “Well then give me a 20.” And you can say, “I’m sorry, I’m behind on my payments to mattress warehouse, I still owe 13 payments on my full size mattress, I can’t afford to give you a 20.” And they’ll go, “Oh, I understand, yes. That is how mattress warehouse works, and I am familiar, so I will not bother you anymore. Have a blessed day monsieur.” 

This is a grade-A life hack which will keep you stacked with cash for ages to come.

Those are all the life hacks that me and Josh Santos wrote down 6 months ago in the back of Cafe Hey on a Sunday afternoon. It was like 1 or 2 PM, and I remember being like, “I don’t feel good today.” And he said, “Me too,” and we came up with a bunch of story ideas. This was one of the ideas, and these were the hacks we came up with. I may have come up with all of these hacks and he just wrote them down, I’m not sure. Maybe he came up with a couple of the hacks. I don’t f***ing know and I definitely don’t care. Hopefully this article finds you on a good day and you’re not angry that you just read it. Hopefully you come back from your lunch break or whatever the f*** you’re doing in a better mood than when you began reading this. Or if you’re already in a good mood, hopefully it has stayed a good mood. Sometimes talking about something good doesn’t help and it turns the tide and makes it worse. They say, “You can’t leave good enough alone,” and then the thing gets worse. That happens a lot. 

Alright, anyways, I’m going to go now, my writing program starts glitching when I write too much in one paragraph. That’s why I switched paragraphs. It actually stopped glitching now, but I’m over writing this article. It’s run it’s course.

People say that a lot too, “run it’s course.”

No they don’t.

Maybe at one point people “said that a lot,” but they definitely don’t anymore.

At least the people I spend time with.

I’m not sure I’ve actually ever heard anyone say that phrase out loud, I think I’ve only seen it written.

Alright good bye.

This is a fake news website, just incase you were confused, or this is the first thing you’ve ever read from the proverbial “us.” 

John Jacobs

About John Jacobs

MTV Reality TV Star and Award-Winning Tampa News Force Correspondent. Subscribe to YouTube Channel, Follow on Twitter: @MaybachDiamonds Instagram: @MaybachDiamonds