Hard Rock Casino to begin accepting blood
The Seminole Hard Rock Casino will now be accepting blood as a substitute for American currency when it comes to repaying debts and casino loans.
“There are many times where patrons will have run out of money, however they’d like to continue gamble. We want to make our guests happy, so we let them take out loans and we seize their assets, but now we have a way to squeeze a little bit more out of them, in the literal sense this time as well, we will be able to acquire more funds per customer, by harvesting their life blood.” Said head of casino customer service Chent Wensington.
New wings of the casino are opening to accommodate the estimated amount of guests that will be taking advantage of the new program and trading their blood for casino credits.
“We expect upwards of 20-30,000 people to immediately show up from all parts of the United States via bus.” Said Wensington.
“We’ve heard stories of other people in other states willingly trying to offer their blood to casinos with no success, so now that we’ll be the only establishment in the United States that offers this deal, and
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I’m sorry my writers hands disease just kicked in. I have a rare disorder where my hands will start automatically typing old things I’ve written before for prior jobs. That was from a Pop song writing gig I took on Gig Salad.com I’ve had a lot of writing gigs before I got here writing for Tampa News Force. My boss won’t notice that I’m not even writing about the topic anymore, that’s how bad things have gotten here. Honestly, sometimes I slip death threats under his office door just to see if he notices, like as a gag, and i’ve never heard anything back. Honestly, I think the boss might be dead in his office. But it’s weird because he responds to emails, but I haven’t seen him in weeks, and his gold digger girlfriend has been buying lots of new cars and stuff around town, so she’s celebrating, but I haven’t seen him. And also, all of his emails now sound like they were typed by a foreign bride from Russia, which is exactly who the bosses girlfriend is. Wait. No. That can’t be. Get that dumb idea out of your head John, you know what happens when you follow your hunches! It’s not worth it! As long as the checks keep clearing, and you keep doing your job, everything is going to be ok. Don’t deviate from the plan now. You almost have enough for that log cabin by the Shenandoah River just like you always dreamed of. Just you and the dogs by the fresh water, every morning, sipping Earl Grey tea kicked back on a beach chair, dipping your toes into the waterfall. I can see it so clearly. I’m not going to mess that up just to find out if my boss is secretly dead on the other side of his office door.
Anywho, the casino accepts blood now as a substitute for money. The price ranges are worked out, but I was too lazy to actually go to the casino and check because I’m not allowed in, I’m banned, by my own doing, from gambling there ever again. I mean sure I’ve still gone dozens of times since, but I don’t now and that’s what matters. Maybe I should go check it out. You know, just for the research of this story to actually find out what the exchange ratios are for different volumes of blood. Yea. That’s what I’m going to do. Ok, I’ll see you guys later! I’ll let you know what I find out.