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Horoscope for the rest of July 2019

The stars took a vacation for two weeks, but they are back and ready to add that extra spice to your life!

REMEMBER: Mercury is in retrograde so take care of yourselves, folks!


Entering into the season of you, remember to live life without limits! The world is your toilet bowl. 


Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you. Oh! That’s where you put it. 


It’s posturing time! Strike a pose! Google earth is always taking pictures. 


You’re not psychotic. Everyone else is just basic. 


Makeup will not hide the fact that you haven’t slept in thirty-eight days and were attacked by a wolverine last night. 


This week, embrace the capricious goat that you are! Don’t worry about the hooves you are growing. Trust the process. 


Definitely buy that ironic shirt from the thrift store it most certainly isn’t ridiculous and the people laughing are laughing with you not at you. 


The onion has many layers. All of them make you cry. 


The blooming flowers cast a sense of foreboding. An extensive allergy attack is near. 


Do not try to remove the cat from your lap. She knows all. And she’s talking. 


Don’t forget to keep your phone charged so you will have something to distract you from the terror of your life. 


Salt is your new best friend. Pack that puppy on to your steak and your ice cream.