Last Saturday at the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater, which is in a repurposed Toys “R” Us in Bradenton, a woman became embroiled in a heated exchange with an actor during a live performance. The apparent cause of the altercation? Undercooked mozzarella sticks.
“The middle of momma’s appetizer was frozen. And I mean solid!” said Jaydlen Giordano, aspiring Twitch streamer and full-time alcoholic. “Shouldn’t an appetizer be, you know, appetizing?”
Raelynn Anne Giordano-Yannis, Jaydlen’s oldest sister, added, “Besides, momma was six crantinis deep and she’d been putting ‘em away since noon. If you’re not even gonna tell us who killed what by the time we get apps, you’re asking to get stabbed.”
Brandi Giordano, the unemployed mother of six and alleged assailant, is said to have leapt out of her Rascal scooter and jabbed a plastic fork into an actor’s thigh sometime during the second act. In her official statement she mentioned the mozzarella sticks and added, “Besides, I was just helping the show. If they didn’t want audience involvement, why come they didn’t do it on the TikTok or whatever? This generation can’t handle nothing no more. Back in my day, you’d take a chair to the neck and be back for the second show. Sorry I gave people something worth watching.”
Despite there being many onlookers, no one attempted to intervene because, according to several audience members, “we assumed it was part of the show.” However, one audience member told the police in his interview, “No way was that part of it. That shit was actually interesting! Oh, and it didn’t match the first week acting school bullshit I saw up until then.” Additionally, one review left on the Murder Mystery Dinner site after the show did say, “Best Groupon I ever bought.”
Trent T. Mitchell, actor and social media influencer, is in stable condition following the incident. He continues to post inspirational pictures from his hospital bed and stated, “I’ll be sticking to soup and finger foods for a minute. I’m not looking to risk it with a fork anytime soon.”