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Raccoon behind local Planned Parenthood starves to death

Planned Parenthood raccoon

Following Roe v. Wade‘s overturn, women all around the country “literally can’t even” get an abortion. Well this affects women everywhere and men who are allergic to latex, it seems to be affecting others as well. 

“He seems so jovial, so full of life,” says Oldsmar Planned Parenthood director, Lisa Cummings. “We showed up today and he’s dead.” 

Raccoons subsist off what they can, and it seems this local raccoon no longer had access to the food source he once enjoyed. 

“It really is a tragedy,” says wildlife expert Robert Irwin. “If these trigger laws take effect and hold, I fear for the fate of raccoons everywhere, mate.” 

As the cost of groceries skyrocket everywhere, there is less and less food waste everyday. Before we finish that Philly cheesesteak, we need to start considering how that might affect our little furry friends, like the raccoon in the Guardians of the Galaxy franchise. 

“Food cost isn’t going down anytime soon, I’m afraid of what will happen if abortions do,” said Robert Irwin from inside the pouch of a kangaroo. 

While we witness what toll this will have on local ecologies, it’s important to remember that this affects women too. To feed a raccoon is a god-given right that’s been tested in courts time and time again. Not with actual human-to-raccoon contact, but passively. Do NOT approach wild raccoons with food.

Michael Fritz

About Michael Fritz

Michael Fritz is a lot of things, but he DOES believe in the holocaust. 6 million Jews were murdered at the hands of Nazi operatives in an effort to eradicate both their faith and race. In his eyes, Michael Fritz believes this was a terrible tragedy and needs to be taught and talked about so it doesn’t happen again. The holocaust was bad, but Michael Fritz isn’t. He writes articles.