When Ronald Fordskin heard about the newest federal holiday, he was ecstatic and immediately began planning a BBQ celebration.
“This is America, these colors don’t run,” said Fordskin while pointing to his flag. “It’s Saturday, weather is perfect, beautiful day to celebrate Juneteenth.”
Fordskin then went to flip a burger when I started explaining the new holiday. The burger patty did a couple of flips in the air before crash landing on the ground. Fordskin removed his sunglasses and began breathing heavy.
“You’re telling me this holiday is about commemorating the end of slavery in the United States?” Yelled Fordskin, who began to turn bright red with rage, he then let out an angry screech before knocking over his grill.
Fordskin chased me around his backyard with his spatula while throwing cans of Miller Lite at me.
“How dare those liberals force this unnecessary racist holiday on me and my children!” Fordskin continued his rage spree, forcing his children to get out of the pool and go inside the house to watch Fox News.
Along with kicking all his friends and family out, Fordskin sent them all a playlist of YouTube conspiracy videos that teach anti-critical race theory.
“I’m going to make it my life’s mission to make sure my kids know that slavery was okay, and we don’t need to celebrate that it ended because in my heart, it still exists.” Said Fordskin, who had tackled me to the ground and beat me repeatedly with a spatula.
Juneteenth will know be observed as a national holiday and all Americans are encouraged to take the day off and celebrate the fact that slavery is no longer a thing…unless you are a sex slave or in prison.